Well, the stated original vision has been reached. Nick lives with his loving partner Andrea independently with the support of family and friends. They both work and contribute as taxpaying members of society and do volunteer work when the opportunity presents itself. Navigating the community is done either by car or public transportation. But there is yet more to be done.

As the reader may have guessed, I have raised Nick primarily as a single parent. Although his father is living in the area, Nick has always resided with me until he and Andrea began living together about eight years ago. Nick still requires support routinely in some areas, like money management and banking, while in other areas he is amazingly independent. Let me cite an example that will also illustrate how valuable it was to provide him with all the work skill training which has led to this independence.

When he first applied for employment, his job coach and I really needed to coach him in filling out the application, explaining his disability to his employer, making sure he attended required work-related meetings, etc. Nick has changed jobs for various reasons, such as a layoff, the closure of a restaurant, or wanting a new opportunity. To demonstrate how he has moved along in his maturity and skills, I offer the following example. Prior to his current job at a local grocery store, he was informed by management that the restaurant where he was employed might go out of business. So, proactively, he went to the grocery store, had someone there help him with the application, gave them verbally all the information that was needed, interviewed with the manager, and secured a new job. It was not until he was already employed that I even knew he had a new job. What a great accomplishment for him!

But there is always more to accomplish in life for all of us. For example, related to his job, although he does work part-time, he does so in an environment where he has no benefits and no retirement or pension plan. Therefore, the life goals that we now have focus in three areas: improved work environment, improved health behaviors, and long-term planning.

As I have gotten older, grayer, and hopefully smarter, I have learned that laying out goals for Nick which are tied to measurable outcomes helps us stay focused and breaks it down into terms that everyone can understand, So, for example, related to the goal of an improved work environment, the outcomes being sought are as follows:

• Increased wages
• Health and dental insurance (he has Medicaid now)
• Retirement or pension benefits
• Paid vacation and sick time
• Long-term business viability of employer

Related to the goal of improved health behaviors, the outcomes include:

• Ongoing work with Nick about proper nutrition and weight control
• Increased ability to manage health care decisions, such as making doctor or dentist appointments, getting annual flu shots, etc.
• Work with Nick to get him to exercise on a more regular basis, particularly in the winter months

Regarding long-term planning:

• Continuously explore ongoing learning opportunities for Nick
• Maximize his social life within his means
• Have Nick's funeral planned and paid for so as not to burden his sibling with that decision or expense
• Be sure that there is a long-term living plan in place after demise of parents with appropriate support structures comprised either of family or social service agencies
• Have estate plan completed with will and trust

Some of the outcomes stated above may seem shocking to some - even for me, it is difficult to see in writing that I will plan for my own child's funeral. However, as I noted early in this article, I learned long ago that what I put in writing seemed to get accomplished. I first wrote this list on a scrap of paper in 1997 when Nick was 27 years of age. He had graduated with his high school diploma a year and a half prior and had been successfully employed. I guess I gave both of us an interim period to relax.

However, it soon became clear that more was to be accomplished and writing it down would help us to focus. Some of these things have been accomplished, like Nick being able to make his own doctor and dental appointments and getting his annual flu shots. I'm working on his eating habits and getting him to exercise routinely is a challenge. I am currently reviewing my estate planning - not that I have that much, but without a written will and trust, things get tied up in probate court after a death and many of one's assets go to paying taxes.

So the list remains pretty much as it was - on the same piece of scrap paper, close at hand on my desk, keeping me focused on a lifelong plan, to keep my beloved son safe and sound.